someone threw a dead crab at me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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