Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she peed on how many people?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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