just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
