I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
