i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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