this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
