fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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