We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
