I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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