OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
