she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We need to rekindle our bromance
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
