yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
