If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
