i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
