Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
