he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
