It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
