She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
