So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize