I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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