He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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