oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
