Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
