there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
