Nicole vs. Life
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hippo gnu deer
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
