She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
