"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
this just has baby written all over it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
