I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
