It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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