she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
