She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
