Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
where are you?
Hypothermia
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
