On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
