I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
