For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
