Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
