I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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