wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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