oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
