I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
