So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
