There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
