Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
