I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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