Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
