Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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