I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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