i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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