His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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