i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
