I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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