Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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