from now on my penis is your penis
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
