How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
