Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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