No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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