I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
