She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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