you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
