Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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