just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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