How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
