I'm lost and stupid without you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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