Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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