I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
