i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
