No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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