i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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