She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
