so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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