My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
