I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize