remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
