Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
