I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
