is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
