so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
