"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
