I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
