Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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