i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
