If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
