Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
