He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
