Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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